Mandated Requirements for Rap/Hip-Hop Videos

Flipping through the channels one day I wandered to one of the music video channels and watched it for a while. This channel seemed to be big on rap/hip-hop videos, not the type of music I'm really into but I was bored so I watched anyway. They haven't changed much over the years, the style and format is little different from a decade ago. I figure there must be a “hip-hop music video" set of requirements mandated by some union or another. But that's okay -- I've cracked the code!

Here it is:


Mandated Requirements for Rap/Hip-Hop Videos

Any video must contain at least five of the following six elements:

1) at least one performer must wear "bling", outrageously gaudy gold/diamond jewellery or accessories

-- this can include teeth jewellery (grillz)

2) at least one person in the video must be wearing a baseball cap slightly askew

3) there must be at least one scantily clad woman shaking her behind provocatively (bootie girls)

4) there must be one expensive car in the video (using another vehicle such as a yacht is acceptable but considered "avant-garde")

5) there must be at least one instance of "the show off", where the performer deliberately shows off a piece of merchandise or wealth to the camera. This can include:
• bling, especially grillz or diamond-studded necklaces
• the brand of shoes or other clothing they are wearing
• cash
• champagne

6) there must be a "posse", a bunch of people normally standing behind the performer looking tough and occasionally shouting "Yeah!", nodding their heads, or making gang symbols with their hands

• a big crowd of people dancing behind the performer is an acceptable substitute (but better if you have a posse as well)

• having a number of bootie girls dancing with the performer is considered meeting the criteria of requirement #3, not #6

• if the video features at least two performers [ex. XYZ featuring ABC and DEF] then requirement #6 is met if at least at some point in the video the other performer(s) are standing behind the singer performing the standard actions of a "posse" ("Yeah", nodding, etc). No posse is then required.

Seriously everyone, next time you see a hip-hop video remember this list and count the elements in it. I swear there must be videos where the guy is attending his mother's funeral and in the background there's scantily clad girls rubbing their butt up against a nice car like they're polishing it.